Unmuzzled: How GAB Helped Me Find My Voice

By Mark Miller

When I entered the room for the first Guided Autobiography (GAB) class, I didn’t know what to expect. I had never been in a writing class before and I was a bit anxious. But I also knew that within me was a writer eager to come out and express himself. Little did I know that the second GAB session in which students would be reading their initial writing on the theme of life’s turning points would offer me the greatest opportunity to face my anxiety and come out of the writer’s closet. Initially, I assumed that I would be in a room with people whom I didn’t know. That assumption was wrong, as one of the other class attendees and I knew each other and each other’s spouses, so my anxiety level increased a lot about reading my story about a major turning point in my life.

To explain this, I had recently been divorced from my husband of more than 32 years under tremendously unusual circumstances.  However, the phrase “been divorced” is putting it mildly. You see, this whole process began with my husband telling me with only two hours’ notice that he was leaving me and filing for divorce. Two—Hours’—Notice. He shocked and blindsided me, and moreover, refused to talk with me at all about why he planned to leave. He betrayed my trust. He shut me out from any sort of response. He muzzled me from discussing our problems. So you see, I felt very self-conscious about sharing my breakup experience in the presence of someone who knew us. I felt like muzzling myself again. Ultimately though, in that GAB class, I was able to find my voice, my own narrative.

In that first GAB story I never mentioned my ex’s name. That was part of the anxiety I felt. But references to my ex became part of most subsequent GAB stories. The more I wrote about my life’s experiences, the more relaxed and less anxious I became and finally I regularly used his name.

Not only did I find my voice throughout the entire GAB experience, I gained different perspectives from having learned from my classmates’ comments about my writing. Moreover, listening to my classmates’ stories gave me the opportunity to see life through their point of view and experiences. Plus, the workshop environment provided a very safe atmosphere, which helped me to confidently open up and share my stories, that is, to unmuzzle myself. 

I continued to find my voice last summer on the fifth anniversary of my ex walking out on me. I wrote to him and asked whether we could sit down and chat about what happened between us that led to him leaving me. I had many questions that I wanted answered in order for me to finally and completely move on and find completion. He refused my request. He said he would “take a pass.” I realized that once again his actions were meant to muzzle my voice.

The GAB experience has allowed me to unmuzzle myself. It has given me the opportunity finally to express myself. One final step in my self-expression evolution will be to eventually tell my ex – whether he wants to hear it or not—the full extent of the impact his actions had on me. 

The GAB classes and the entire GAB experience allowed me to continue finding my voice.